(True Story bro)
Today(29/May), in other news, I really screwed up. I use the word screwed here, but I really mean fuck.
When it comes to BSP SMS Mobile Banking, I use it a lot! I mean I abuse it. Maybe that is why BSP has started putting caps on how much I can transfer or use in a day.
Anyway, I got a bit cocky yesterday when I broke from routine and asked a friend to recite his bank details while I punched it into my phone and hit send. It was a fair amount of money but it was for a job that needed to be done.
Around 4pm today, said friend calls me up to tell me that he still hasn’t received the money.
I copied and sent him the text confirming the debited funds from my account. He shoots back a text immediately that really darkened the rest of my day.
“Bro, you mixed up the numbers, it should be ’96’ not ’69’.”
Fuck. Fuck me. Fuck me dead.
I fumbled through a response not caring to spellcheck, ending with “…I’ll fix it.”
I was distraught.
I checked the time. It was 4.10pm. Fuck me indeed.
I closed the office door and descended into a mild state of panic when a thought dropped into my mind – call Customer Service.
The first to call would be Westpac right? They’re the ones receiving the money, maybe they can stop it from hitting the wrong account. So I called one of the many numbers that google spat out, but no one answered.
I felt the tension in my neck.
Maybe I’ll try BSP, I thought, so I googled BSP Customer Service. 7-0-3-0-1-2-1-2. The description under the blue and green writing on my phone mentioned they closed at 5pm.
The phone rang once and a voice teleprompter told me to hit “4” to get to a Customer Service Person. Thank fuck for humans. The phone then did the thing I was dreading the most, it began to ring.
Once. Twice. Three times.
Considering it was nearing 4:30pm, I let myself think “Oh well this is PNG and no body works after 4pm when the closing time is 5pm”.
Three and a half rings.
I hear a voice say “Hello. You’re speaking with Dorothy*, how can I assist you?”
This was the best wait time on the phone I have ever had – anywhere in the world.
Not only that but Dorothy was ON.HER.GAME. I felt silly for that thought just moments before.
I explained to Dorothy my dilemma and gave her my account details and phone number.
In my head, I began sending her good vibes from the universe, praying “plis o Dorothy o, make this work“.
I became nervous when she went silent for a brief moment. Then I heard the tapping on keyboards.
I broke a sweat expecting her to say “Sorry, it’s your fault for being dyslexic”. I do have mild dyslexia, but that’s beside the point.
Her voice muttered something into the phone bringing me back to the moment.
I realised she was speaking to me saying “Ok Hans Lee, I’ll email the details of the transaction through to our interbank payments team so they can assess it and reverse it. I’ll also pass on your phone number so someone will give you a call to confirm the transaction”.
“Oh wow….umm…thank you”, I heard myself saying in a tone that sounded more like a question then a statement.
She thanked for me for my call and asked if that was all I needed from her today.
I said yes and hung up still in a state of disbelief.
Just like that, it was over.
That was really really good customer service.
The time was 4:45pm
I sat waiting nervously in the office for a phone call from the BSP team. I decided to punish my stupidity by reading through the 2018 Phone Book and taking names of building contractors in Port Moresby.
At around half 6pm a friend of mine text me apologising for not being able to make dinner tonight. We usually meet to talk about the Spoken Word Project that’s on on the last Thursday of the month.
“Sorry buddy”, I thought. “I just lost a tonne of money so I don’t think spending anymore right now is going to make me feel any better, and curry night just doesn’t sound right tonight”.
Now, it’s 9:22pm as I sit writing this.
I’m on page 503 of the White Pages Directory with Total Waste Management’s ad starting me in the face.
I checked my BSP balance 20 minutes ago and the balance looked surprisingly full.
Thank fuck for that!
But I am now very hungry and think I am about ready to leave the office and go home. Or maybe I’ll just finish the remainder of this phone book.
I do wish BSP had called me when they put the money through, but then again, I’m just glad the money is back. If there is a lesson to be learnt here it’s that the white pages are really good at calming nerves.
And that those humans on the other end of the BSP Customer Service phone line are really good.
4/5 Fucks for that!
Thanks BSP (and Dorothy).
*Dorothy is not her real name, it’s actually Helen, or is it.