I wrote this after a week of feeling like the world was overwhelming me, dealing with change and confusion seem to be a constant theme for me at the moment. We often hear that we need to use our words when we are annoyed, but as a non-native English speaker, thinking in one language and looking for similar words to explain them in another is always a challenge.
It is harder when you don’t understand why you feel what your are feeling. I took some time to assess how I was feeling on a deeper level and realised that I was upset because I did not know how to express my feelings of defeat. A moment of intense clarity revealed to me that as children we often cried when we were upset but we often forgot or chose not to cry when we become adults, instead we fight, compounding sadness to anger.
Forgetting How To Cry
A sadness fell over me when I forgot how to cry,
a bird with clipped wings watching the sky.
The yearning for a tear to fall from my eye,
if only just one.
A cannonball falling, if but gracefully,
Release of a torrent, if only by a drip.
How I yearn for it to fill and overwhelm me,
weaken my knees and choke me.
So forgive me when I get angry.
Frustrated. Bitter. Distant.
I just wanna’ remember how to cry.
-by Hans Lee